"Christian" "Music"

Sorry to keep my tens of faithful readers waiting for so long. I was at a church camp this past week being a guilt-free goofball. I will not write a blog on any of my experiences at camp because it is none of your business dadgummit. However, there was one thing that stirred up my ire. During the camp one of the staff members was playing music during meals, and one of the points he made was that the kids needed to be exposed to Christian music because they did not get enough of it at home. While he said this I listened in a little and could have sworn that we were listening to Cake's "The Distance" (the bass line was the exact same---completely copied which is not exactly "Christian"). Though there doesn't seem to be anything terribly immoral about this song, I doubt anyone would call it Christian.

So what is Christian music? I think the title has been absolutely warped. And I don't mean by people trying to lump their favorite bands into Christianity because they think it will make them feel more Christian. No, this is a business model that has been put together, and Christians are buying it. Before I dig further, some full disclosure:

1. I am, by most definitions including mine, a Christian (for about eight and a half years now).

2. I am in the process of becoming a Catholic Christian (thanks for reading Southern Baptists, Reformists and Puritans-- be on the lookout for my blog entitled "The Left Behind Series and The Salem Witch Trials: How to Properly Arm Yourself for Hell" in the next couple weeks).

3. I was a member of the religious organization known as Musician long before I became a Christian and still belong to those ranks.

4. If N.W.A. appears on my iPod shuffle I don't change it. If Chris Tomlin appears on it I go to the next track.

5. Contradicting the previous point is the fact that I play a ton of "worship music" for a lot of church functions (I also have a long history of being in church choirs and handbell choirs).

6. I enjoy most of the music of Johann Sebastian Bach, which is almost entirely "Christian" based on many definitions but mostly ignored in the Christian circles (so not only do some Christian music purists judge people for what they listen to, but they are also fairly uneducated on their own history).

There you have it. My perspective on this music is unique because I am simultaneously ensconced in it and try to avoid it all at the same time. But seriously what is Christian music?

Thank goodness for Google. If I didn't have Google I am not sure I could know anything. When you google the words Christian music here are the top ten sites you get:

-- K-Love Radio (they play Contemporary Christian Music)

--Christian Music.com (where they brag that you can find all the great Christian genres including rap and rock)

-- TodaysChristianMusic.com (another radio station--no need to link it I think)

--Funeral Arrangements for the founder of the band America (not to disrespect death but this is easily the strangest entry)

-- Christianmusic.org (more of the same)

-- Air1.com (another Christian radio station centered on alternative rock music that gets major cool points for their graphically bold yet impractical layout)

-- A wiki entry (we will check this out in a minute)

-- ccmmagazine.com (the Rolling Stone of Contemporary Christian music)

-- Christianmusictown.com (seems to be the Pitchfork of Christian music-- on a side note the girl in the band Addison Road looks kinda cute)

There you have it. It's all the same stuff. Christianity is extremely massive and a worldwide phenomenon. It is unfortunate that very few cultures are represented by the understood definition of Christian music when many (if not most) cultures in the world have Christians among them. If you look at the Top 10 Christian songs on Billboard you will see a ton of white dudes who have been around for at least twenty years along with a rock band and a contemporary gospel artist. Of course, you can't argue with what people buy, but how about the fact that Christian radio suffers from the same sort of shady "market research" that mainstream radio does. In other words, it's a profit margin business.

Let's go back to the wiki page for a minute. According to the top synopsis-style definition of Christian music it is "music that is written to express either personal or a communal belief regarding the Christian life and faith. The page goes on to spend a sliver of time on the entire history of Western music up to the present day (which for those of you who don't know was dominated by the church). The majority of the article is then dedicated to what should be termed Christian pop music but for some dumb reason is labeled Contemporary Christian Music (any label that has the word contemporary in it is doomed to fail because it won't be new and current forever, such as this classic Contemporary Christian jam). It is ridiculous that if I wanted to have a conversation about Christian music with someone I actually need to be able to reference Reliant K to be taken seriously. Reliant K does not define Christian music for me. Some of their songs (nay many of their songs) are not about Christian life or Jesus or anything.

Before people start thinking that I got drunk on haterade this morning let me make one thing clear. I have no beef with music that has a Christian message or music that is used to worship God. My beef instead goes towards another issue-- an entire industry that is feeding messages to kids about right and wrong based off a business model. I spoke of this earlier. If you turn on one of those radio stations (like K-Love) you will undoubtedly hear them say that the music on their station is what kids should be listening to if they don't want to be "part of the world" (I'll let Nick Buck tackle this issue). There are two fallacies with such a statement.

The first problem is that K-Love is a business that exists to make money. They want to make a profit because that is how they function. The second problem is that if kids want to get away from pop culture ideals (which I am not for or against), they should probably just listen to classical/art music (we need to get an acceptable name for this). Listening to Christian pop music to get away from secular pop music is almost as lame as switching over to diet soda because you can't handle the original.

I refuse to base my ethical stances on a business trying to sell me an ethical stance (feel free to comment if you can find the hypocrisy there) and then feel guilty that I am not doing the right thing if I chose a different business. The fact that Christian music has gotten wrapped up in popular music (whose main purpose should always be to entertain and make money) is really kind of sad. I enjoy a lot of the music that has come from the Christian music business, but it still seems a little questionable how it is all presented.

There is still another issue I am grappling with here. Almost everything discussed above has been about lyrical content. I may not have expressly stated that, but most of you probably assumed that the differences between Christian pop and secular pop are in fact lyrically based. What about the music itself? People don't say music with Christian lyrics. They say Christian music. But some of these genres started out as anything but Christian.

I like rap. I don't look it, but I am a big fan. I like stuff from every decade-- even this one (yes that means I can tolerate some Li'l Wayne). But the fact is that rap is party (as in drink, drugs, sex) music. It is meant to amp up the party and amp up those party elements. Does Lecrae know this? But that is not the most interesting Christian genre to me.

Fun fact: I used to go to Hardcore shows a lot. They were fun as long as I stood in the corner and avoided the blood coming from that one dude's head. Some of these shows even had Christian bands like Gwen Stacy. Hardcore is an extension of punk music that was meant to be faster, harder, stronger, better (no that wasn't a Daft Punk or Kanye joke-- the words are out of order). The music was meant to be more violent and inspire violence (mosh pits and other violent dances usually involving flailing of limbs). It doesn't exactly sound like the type of music Jesus would turn the other cheek to. And yet, it has a massive underground following in Christian circles. There are a lot of bands out there to check out and they do have Christian lyrics. But if the music was just instrumental, could we call it Christian?

Is there good Christian music? I think so, but I'm honestly not that opinionated (just keep me away from all the crap that sounds like Nickelback and I'm good). Just don't think that by listening to exclusively Christian music that somehow you are doing the right thing. You should probably figure out if the music is actually Christian (or music) first. And don't worry kids. If listening to Beyonce sends you to Hell, I will be right there with you with my Coltrane records, Warren G tape, Pearl Jam CD's, and Death Cab for Cutie mp3s.

Spoiler Alert: My Thoughts on Harry Potter...and Reality

After talking with some of my friends and family last night (this morning?) at the midnight premier of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2 (HPDHP2) I struggled with whether I liked the movie or not. Wait let me change that: I struggled with whether I loved the movie or not. Those of you who spoke with me last night may find that my opinions are a bit different than before. Can you blame me? It was like 2:30 in the morning man.

First I believe I need to give a full disclosure on my movie leanings. I like movies, but I am oddly picky and not in a good way. I like movies that have a backing, critical acclaim, or something familiar in them. That is why I enjoyed Green Lantern even though it was most certainly a bad movie. I liked Thor even though Natalie Portman has jumped from her Oscar high rise into grim movie purgatory (action movies and romantic comedies). I was a huge fan of Super 8 and make no apologies for it. I sat through Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides without falling asleep (Do you realize that this movie is now one of the top 10 highest grossing films in the world ever?! Do you realize 2012 is in the top 50? What is wrong with everybody???).

So with all that said there was no way I was going to hate HPDHP2 (dang that's a horrible name for it). It is officially one of my top two movies of the summer, but there are some lingering doubts about it.

There are a lot of people reading this blog right now (wait a minute that's not true) who already have figured out what my hang ups with the movie are. You are thinking that I am going to make the following points:

1. It was not completely faithful to the book and changed plot points around. Not crucial ones, but ones none the less.

2. The actors weren't very good.

3. There wasn't enough action.

4. There wasn't enough exposition.

5. It was too long.

You are wrong. I didn't mind what it changed. SPOILER ALERTS COMING! It didn't bug me that Grawp or the centaurs made no appearance. It didn't bug me that the Invisibility Cloak was not as much of a player. It didn't bug me that they felt the necessity to give various actors lines that didn't exist in the book because they had to pay the actor for something. Speaking of which, the acting is brilliant. Daniel Radcliffe is good at what he does and so is the whole cast. Not a bad actor in the bunch (or am I just saying that because that's what the critics are saying, so I must be missing something?). Also, there was plenty of action. In fact the whole movie was a giant action scene with three or four slower dramatic scenes. The exposition was fine. You can't do the amount of explanation that J.K. Rowling does in her books in a movie. That is totally understandable. Long? The movie wasn't nearly long enough. The precedent has been set for epic finale movies to be as long as they bloody well need to be. There was enough missing to make the movie a very short two hours and change (do you realize that the new Transformers movie is way longer than that?).

I also had massive beef with how many inopportune times people laughed and how many flippin' times they clapped. If you want to clap that much during a performance go to a jazz club. Wait. What? Jazz is dead? My bad I keep forgetting.

If I had any beef with the actual movie itself it would be the lack of intensified drama. David Yates is really good at painting scenery. Theses last several movies have been a visual marvel to behold, and one could waste plenty of time just staring at the beautiful bleakness on the screen. However, David Yates doesn't seem to know how to pull the drama out of a scene, line, or action sequence. I appreciate the minimalist approach to the music that they are using, but it is not appropriate for an epic like this. The cue has been given once again by our good friend Peter Jackson to take our emotions to a new level by letting the composer run wild with dynamic themes and development.

Now a couple of you might be saying how unfair it is to continually compare the world of Harry Potter to Lord of the Rings. How is it unfair to compare a child to their parent, especially when the child is like the parent. If you haven't seen or read the Lord of the Rings trilogy you are missing out. The stories are nearly parallel, with Tolkien's accounts a little more intended for adults. J.K. Rowling (sounds hauntingly like J.R.R. Tolkien to me) does a fine job in the books of playing to her strengths of simplicity and forward motion to get to the point, but it makes no difference. The story is the same, and it is epic and heartfelt and wonderful in both sets of books.

But I just can't say the same for both sets of movies, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I still feel like some of the dialogue was simply lifted and read without inflection. That is a bit harsher than it needs to be, but I stand by the idea behind the statement. When I read the seventh Harry Potter book my eyes welled up so many times it was laughable. Did I get teary or emotional at the movie? Of course I did, I'm not a robot, man. But I thought that my thoughts and emotions being displayed by real people on the movie screen with music and cinematography would just put my emotions over the top. However, it did not. I felt slightly cheated by a great performance that didn't meet my expectations. And I think I know why.

SPOILER ALERT!! (Seriously it's in the friggin' title of the blog, and I bet there will still be a couple people annoyed at my detail in this next paragraph-- just go read the book or see the movie already and be done with it. Despite my complaints, it's totally not a waste of your time to stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and go see it. Once you have done that-- keep reading).

In one of the final chapters of the book/last scenes in the movie Harry get's wand-shot by Voldemort. It's cool though guys; all Moldy Voldy does is kill the horcrux that Harry accidentally had inside of him from the night Voldy killed Harry's parents (that's kind of the movie version; the book version is slightly more complicated but the same concept holds just fine). Anyway, when Harry wakes up from the sting of the wand-shot he sees an all white version of King's Cross Train Station. Then he sees his dear teacher Professor Dumbledore (it is now my intention to, upon the age of 65, grow my hair out as long as possible and then I too will be wise and loving to those younger than me). The two of them engage in a long-time-coming conversation (which covers a lot of extra stuff in the book), and then they exchange this important dialogue:

Harry: "Tell me one last thing. Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"

Dumbledore: "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

HPDHP2 is a very good movie, perhaps a great movie. But it does not achieve something that it could not possibly that is simply impossible to do. It didn't feel real. I'm not saying that this universe Rowling created is real in the sense that you need to be on the look out for Death Eaters, giants, and house elves. But in my mind? It's as real as anything. In the movie Dumbledore talks about the power of words-- almost like he is imploring you to go home and read the book. When those contained words go from the page to your brain they are doing so for you alone. That way there is nothing standing between you and the movie inside your head. No interference. You can get lost in the reality on your time and experience the emotions and plot twists for yourself. Movies can get very close to doing that, but they rely on other people to create the reality for us which gives us more to judge and creates more barriers. In a book the reality is what you can make of it, and there is no critic that is going to put down the way you used digital animation on your giants. The world is yours to create and enter.

So is everything in our minds real? Most of us would hope not (although Kanye West seems to be cool with it). If so, it opens up a realm of possibilities, questions, ideas, and theories that I am frankly way too dumb to tackle. But if what is in our mind is not real; it certainly feels real. And that might be just enough.

I hope director David Yates gets some kind of Oscar buzz with this movie. I know my version has already won 10 Academy Awards (Super 8 took Best Sound unfortunately). Anyway, I guess this is my first movie review, so let's give HPDHP2 a grade: A-- (two minuses because a B+ just sounds too low). Go see it, and let me know what you think.

On Tour With America's 7th Best Band: Part 3

It. Is. Finished.

Ok that was a little dramatic maybe, but the tour is over (by the way if this is the first thing you are reading on this site, you should probably read this one and this one). And the ride was wild. Usually when I write these blogs there is a direction I have in my head. This time I honestly don't know where to start...

Editor's Note: I do know where to end though. Check out the bottom of the blog for a nightly set list from the tour and then buy the tunes on the Internet because they are all good.

How about the fact that rock musicians who don't shower and tend to eat at terribly greasy (but tasty) restaurants never get fat while rarely smelling bad or getting an acne break out?

Or I suppose I could talk about how we played five shows for five completely different audiences. We had the reasonably uninterested crowd that sat at tables in Cleveland. We had the drunk and high basement show fans with lots of energy but not a lot of numbers. We had the dedicated localish record store fan base at Luna Music in Indy (filled out with several of my friends and family from Indy-- nice job guys). There was the big headlining gig in Grand Rapids at Founders Brewery (huge room, lots of people, loud, not a ton of intensity or interest). And then there was the polite, attentive people peppered with some enthusiastic friends of the band at Kalamazoo's The Strutt. Each time we played for a different crowd, and each time we rocked just as hard if not harder than the previous time.

The discussion could also center around the insane end to the tour that was Saturday July 9/Sunday July 10. I had to DJ a wedding in South Bend till about 9:45 then drive my brave Scion Box car to Grand Rapids (about a 2 hour drive) to play the biggest show booked on the tour. It helped that the speed limit in Michigan is 70 mph versus Indiana's 65 mph (My original thought was that everyone wants to get out of Michigan faster, but after seeing the great towns of Grand Rapids and Kalamazoo my opinion has changed a bit on those Spartan wolverines.). I arrived to a very large venue with stage lighting! We went on at midnight, and I was on stage ready to play with time to spare (making that show possibly the first ever show at Founders Brewery where the bass player was wearing a striped dress shirt, Banana Republic slacks, and Aldo dress shoes with Argyle socks-- not even a hipster could make that look cool). The show went well; though, I am not entirely certain that lighting treated me all that well. And it was one of the first shows where I got some audience love about my playing (to be fair some of it was about my floppy hair, just like in the old IU Pep Band Days). After getting to mingle with the other bands and goofing off, we got news that our co-lead singer had to leave suddenly for personal reasons.

Now I don't remember if I said how much I had to look at the tunes we had been playing during the tour. But we had to stick with about 10 song options during the tour because of my limited time practicing with the band. Now with the co-lead singer gone most of those songs except three were out the window. The remaining band members had to talk about what we wanted to do; the idea of not playing the Sunday show at all was thrown into the mix. At first I agreed with the idea of canceling that show, but I decided later that it would be lame (maybe even major-lame). The good news was our fearless (and buzzed) leader Tim wasn't havin' that (probably because this is the millennium of Aftermath). We soldiered on and realized that Tim is the co-lead singer and has more than 10 songs (great songs actually-- just a little more moody), and we could practice with the amazing Lewis Rogers from Sleeping Bag (new album out August 9) to get through 6 or 7 songs. Of course by the time we figured some of these things out it was 4:30 in the morning, and there was some random dude running for Lansing City Council who downed to big Checkers burgers then fell asleep in the room we where we are talking (I can't make this stuff up-- vote for the guy).

The next day we lazied around till about noon then found a studio in Grand Rapids to do some rehearsing. Lewis had to learn all of the songs in one practice, and I had to learn or relearn four new tunes. The practice went well, and we reluctantly started gaining confidence for the show that night. In addition to these new tunes I would also be relied upon to sing some backup vocals (something I am technically capable of but have never been very comfortable or confident actually doing live).

We showed up for the show (indie rock and randomly marching band says show; anyone pop, jazz, or the like that gets paid says gig; art music says concert or performance) in Kalamazoo tired from the dramatic running around and actual thinking. We would later get shafted on the free food we should have gotten and the air conditioning was out. Not exactly a warm welcome (the potential pun there is lame but you can tell it to yourself if you wish) we were hoping for, but we went on.

Of the five shows we played, I can honestly say the Sunday night show at The Strutt was my favorite and most memorable. We were a band of men having faced adversity, and we actually had to work to overcome it. We played the set well. Tim sang a solo tune to start that set the mood for what was going to be a more intense experience than audience were prepared for. The entire set was a slow crescendo into the last song where Lewis just went flippin' nuts. My vocals were perfectly mediocre, which was what we needed for that night (I heard nicer things from the crowd, but mediocre sounded less self-indulgent). We only had a couple of small issues, but they would have been normal problems without the different lineup and different songs. Other than that, it was a hit (as much as a band can be a hit in a town wear hardly anyone knows you and the headlining band features an old balding tenor sax player). All we could do is leave a pint of blood on that stage (why is Jimmy Fallon in Almost Famous anyway?) and we did that.

Show over. Time to go home.

The experience of going on tour with Husband&Wife will leave a major imprint on my life. There was some drama, but we always played music for music's sake. There was hardly any doubt that no matter what happened, we were there to play music and entertain an audience. One of the more frustrating things about making music in the educational universe is all the riff-raf that is considered important. I'm not saying there wasn't riff-raf on the tour, but all of it purely lead to the music and was identified as riff-raf. I don't know if the band made any money on the tour (I know I certainly didn't), but I know they loved playing. It came out every night on stage. And I got to hold down the low end of it.

It has made me think if there is an opportunity here that I should chase. Maybe this was the realization of my dream. But then I think about not showering, being away from my lady and family, and the potential of not being able to teach kids because of having to be gone all the time. But after all those important things, the dream still doesn't completely die. Maybe I'll tour again. Then again, maybe I won't. But it was definitely worth it. Even if I started in Cleveland.

Husband&Wife Set lists :

The Happy Dog in Cleveland:

Mulberry Squeezins (from Dark Dark Woods)

Market Fresh (from Proud Flesh)

6 Little Indians (PF)

Not Every Bird Can Fly (PF)

Be Gone Long One (PF)

Haven't Got a Friend (DDW)

Proud Flesh (PF)

The Purple Room in Columbus:

Noise Jam in C Into...

Be Gone Long One

Not Every Bird Can Fly

6 Little Indians

Market Fresh

I Have Been Made Huge (PF)

Proud Flesh

Luna Music in Indy:

Be Gone Long One

Not Every Bird Can Fly

6 Little Indians

Market Fresh

Don't Change (from Operation: Surgery)

I Have Been Made Huge

Proud Flesh

Founders Brewery in Grand Rapids:

Comp Jam (DDW)

Proud Flesh

Not Every Bird Can Fly

I Have Been Made Huge

Market Fresh

Don't Change

Haven't Got a Friend

I Got Fat (DDW)

Be Gone Long One

6 Little Indians

The Strutt in Kalamazoo

Supersize Me (OS)

Thanks for Understanding (DDW)

Support Yourself (DDW)

6 Little Indians

I Have Been Made Huge

Class War (PF)

On Tour With the 7th Best Band in America: Part 2

So I slept a lot less than I thought on the road to Cleveland. The journey there included listening to some great albums by a diverse set of artists including U2, Warren G, a Flannelgraph Records sampler, Mercyful Fate, Teenage Fanclub, the Either/or LEM, the That Thing You Do soundtrack, Monahan, and some other stuff that I can't remember cause I'm not cool like that.

It is fun to get a music education, but it is awkward not knowing all of the music they know. I try and handle it a lot differently than I did when I was younger. Back then I would just always pretend that I knew exactly what those smarter people were talking about, and I got nothing from it (sorry Ben Syversen). Now I just try to ask even if I come off stupid, and I get exposed to better music because of it. And that is the most interesting aspect about being in different musical worlds; not what the average person says when they are saying rock, country rap or whatever, but truly different cultures that just happen to form around music. I am not really sure what musical culture I belong to. I've just always wanted to be a part of the culture of music itself. But that is an ideal. The real world is a lot more complicated and a lot more interesting.

All whiney introspective crap aside we played our Cleveland show at a place called The Happy Dog. They have crazy awesome hot dogs for which you can get pretty much whatever toping you want (a fried egg, habanero peppers, and chunky peanut butter were some of the highlights). After we scarfed those down we played a show to an audience of fans were sat down casually and gave us strange looks. Tim was sick; I kept missing notes; Mike had technical issues. We got through the set, and I felt as if I may have brought down the band. Really the whole vibe was off from the evening with the strange audience (and yet the band still made money for themselves which was cool).

The band decided to head straight for Columbus that night, where we stayed at a friend of Tim's. Fun fact: rock bands sleep in. I was the first one up at a little after 10. We set out for lunch at a killer German restaurant called Schmidt's where we were educated on the vaunted history of 6 generations of Schmidt family. But really we just ate a ton of sausage. From there we hit the record store called (a great store, but you have to delve through a sea of crap and stuff you haven't heard of to achieve any kind of success).

The show we played on Thursday night was at a house called The Purple Room. The show stared about 2 hours late with a band that none of us could figure out the name of. A house show is a thing of itself for those who have never been to one. I have played at a couple, and sometimes I think it is one of the most b.a. shows to play. There seems to be a lot less pressure, which makes me play more relaxed and better. We played a heavy set of tunes that night (on the last blog post I might try and post our set lists) and just went nuts. The people who were there were into it and the band was into it. This show was definitely more comfortable than the first, and I hope it keeps getting better from here.

Unfortunately due to my strange schedule, yesterday was the last pure aspect of the tour. I will driving around separately now, and that will be a new sensation. I'm still looking forward to all the great shows though. Tonight we play at Luna Records in Indy. Here's hoping the journey continues to build momentum.

Go team.

On Tour With the 7th Best Band in America: Part 1

Very few people have been as excited as I am to make this statement:

In about twenty minutes* I leave for Cleveland, OH.

I know it seems like a terrible thing to say since LeBron James didn't even say it and he is from northern Ohio. But my reasoning is different. I am going on the road for a small tour with one of the better indie/local bands on the planet right now-- Husband&Wife. I am not just sucking up when I say they are one of my favorite bands-- yesterday I spent the better part of an hour searching for their 2004 self-titled album on the Internet (for the record I was unsuccessful). The band is reasonably ashamed of this album, but I still wanted it. Because that is what a fanboy does. He gets everything possible the artist created because they can barely do wrong.

However, the fanboy doesn't usually get to tour with their favorite band as their bass player. Bryant Fox (whose other band, Alexander the Great, I am a psuedo-member of) is the band's normal bad ass (was that my first swear on this blog?! Sorry to the middle schoolers reading this; you shouldn't be reading it anyway; quit stalking me.) bass player who I am going to fail to imitate for the next five days. He is away in Maine inspiring and having fun with kids at a summer camp. In the meantime I have done my best (or close to my best) to learn his snaky melodic bass lines from their past three full-length albums (Operation:Surgery, Dark Dark Woods, and Proud Flesh).

We will be setting out in the band's now infamous Ford Windstar to Cleveland, Columbus, Indy, Grand Rapids MI, and Kalamazoo MI. At some point during this trek I will also be DJing a friend of mine's wedding in South Bend which will create some fun and groovy stress for getting to the other shows.

Over the course of the tour, I will try and leave little snippets of bloggness for your enjoyment and insight, and you can check out more tour coverage on the band's own tour blog. The band will share the stage with Sleeping Bag for the entire tour which should generate even more crazy-go-nuts rock and roll for the whole family to enjoy.

Getting to play on tour with one of my favorite bands was always a little dream of mine when I was a kid (of course the bands at that time included Boys to Men and Pearl Jam, so there's that). I look forward to seeing how this dream fleshes out starting with the greatest city in northern Ohio. Hmmm...

*Editor's note: It has been more than twenty minutes. Zac the drummer is stuck at work. Great rock never starts on time.

The NBA: Where Amazing Is Locked Out

This is a rant.

I have no great facts or enlightenment for you on the recent NBA lockout. Many people who are not even NBA fans have already read about some of the awful contracts on the NBA, or how two of those top 10 contracts (Rashard Lewis and Gilbert Arenas-- who were traded for each other this season) go to two guys who can't play basketball at a high level anymore and also have been suspended by the league for various nefarious plots (Rashard for violating the league drug policy and Gilbert for just being an overall idiot). Many of you know that three of those contracts go to men who no longer play at the level they are payed for even though they still matter to their teams (Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Kobe Bryant). And of course many of you know that the Atlanta Hawks are idiots and gave Joe Johnson more money than LeBron James gets (I'm a LeBron hater as much as the next guy, but he is better than Joe Johnson and his name is infinitely cooler). Many of you know that Eddy Curry was given a 60 million dollar contract for being fat and stupid and, according to recent reports, is in debt.

On the other side of the coin, many of you know that the owners claim that they are losing as much as 300 million a season and have been in debt ever since the now previous collective bargaining agreement was agreed upon in 2005. Meanwhile, Mark Cuban is thinking about buying a professional baseball team and Donald Sterling/Glen Taylor is still alive. Both of these facts are proof that most of the owners pretty much suck.

But I think one of the worst and most unbelievable facts about this new lockout is how it came to pass. They knew they were walking into that meeting last Thursday to lockout the players. They knew! This is some sort of strategy so the real negotiating can begin. And they have known this was coming for almost two years.

Now I don't know much about collective bargaining except for in the world of education. But even in some pretty rough meetings the goal was to actually figure out the contract even though the sides disagreed. Wait. What? They don't have collective bargaining for teachers in some states anymore? Really? The NBA is respectable and fair to it's multi-million dollar labor core and the government thinks forty grand is a little rich for someone who teaches kids how to exist in society? That makes perfect sense. Keep up the good work World of Education. Glenn Taylor is more reasonable than you. Nice friggin job. Enjoy the vouchers.

Ok, sorry I got distracted. Now the three or four of you who are still reading this post are probably wondering if I have picked a side on this lockout issue. Oh yeah, I have definitely picked a side. The fans.

We NBA fans don't care all that much if the players are getting payed a butt-ton (that phrase copywright of Mike Burkhart) as long as the game is exciting. And the game was exciting this year. As mentioned in a previous post, there were 6 teams that could have definitely won the title. And it went to the Mavericks who weren't even expected by most pundits to make it out of the first round. That is exciting basketball. Oh and the Pacers mattered. Not that any of you know that...

If an off-topic rant is too long I have decided to go to italics since I can't figure out how to do the cool foot notes (side notes?) thing that Bill Simmons does on Grantland. So pay attention Pacers fans. Go to a flippin' game. I had no money this year and I went to a game. The Pacers were last in overall attendance this year. Dead last. More people attended NBA games in Sacremento (an insult to basketball currently), New Jersey (openly admitting how much they hate it there by moving to Brooklyn in the next two or three years), Minnesota (are you kidding me?! KAAAAAAHHHNNNNN!!!), Charlotte (the city loved basketball so much that the Hornets left), and Detroit (I don't think anyone even lives there anymore). The Pacers had a scrappy and respectable team this season. They weren't awesome, but they played hard and showed as much in the playoffs. Also, Conseco Fieldhouse is a world class facility for basketball, and Indiana is a basketball state. Indiana fans, I don't care if you think they don't call players for traveling enough, or the game is too boring, or whatever lame crap you've got to say. Go to a Pacers game and enjoy yourself. It's cheap enough, and we just traded for a player who grew up here. That ought to appease you people who are still mad we didn't draft Steve Alford (got Reggie instead) or keep Damon Bailey. Oh, and The Malace at the Palace was seven years ago and all of the players from that scandel are gone. Get. Over. It.

Ok side rant done. Back to the regular rant.

So other than all the Indiana fans that don't go to games, the rest of the NBA fans will suffer because of the lockout. Popularity of the league will go down, which will lessen the hype, which will lessen the actual excitement of the game. Many players will leave for Europe to keep playing. The forward motion will stall and teams won't be as prepared for the season. We may not get to see Miami lose again for a whole season. We won't get to see KG get raging mad at a no-name player. We won't get to see Russell Westbrook show people that he is actually good at basketball. We won't get to see the Bulls try and shop Carlos Boozer to the Bobcats for three future second round picks (you know MJ would pull the trigger on that one). We won't get to see if Memphis basketball can matter again on the professional level. And we won't get to see if Dallas is able to defend that magical title run.

Look I know there are more important things than the NBA. If there is no season, I could actually be good at what I do (conducting and teaching bands-- the sit-down-or-march-around-with-mouthpieces-kind). I could read great books and have relevant discussions on them. I could actually help my fiancee' plan our wedding. I could listen to hours upon hours of great music. I could run some more races. But after all that, what would I do when I got done facebooking? Search for new Lady Gaga rumors? No, I want to follow all the trade gossip and overanalyzation of the world's most exciting real professional sports league and watch games on TV two to five times a week. And now these rich prics are taking it away from me and the rest of the fans. Lame.

I understand that I am not as smart and on top of the issues as David Stern, Adam Silver, and Derek Fischer. None of them are much taller than me and work in the NBA. That makes them smarter. But smarter doesn't mean they understand what they are doing. So many people I have talked to have already written the players and owners off like I did in the last sentence of the previous paragraph. The difference is those people were watching some playoff games and getting intrigued, but now they will quit and just wait out the NFL whining fest. I'm too devout to do that to the NBA, but I'm one of the few. I am not one of those fans who liked the product when no one else did (I'm talking to you Radiohead fans or any other rock band that made it big but lost some of it's initial fan base for it). I want everyone to be NBA fans, but it won't happen. Even if we had a full regular season, a decent portion of the fan base is already gone.

Listen up owners and players. I have tried my hardest to be someone who understands why you make the money you do, and I want to approach this like any fair contract dispute. But I can't do it anymore. Millions of people in the USA are out of work, and millions more are ridiculousely underpaid (firemen, cops, teachers, small business employees, The NHL, the dude who always gives me extra olives on my Subway sandwich, most of the Indiana University faculty, Brad Stevens, self-employed musicians, pastors, community organizers, non-profit businesses, nurses, Greene County IN, and the entire state of North Dakota to name a few). The most poorly payed player in the NBA this season made 473,604 dollars this year. That's a lot of money. If I made that cash in my first year on the job, I could buy a very reasonable and lovely house while my future wife covered some of the bills. I could buy it outright. That's for the lowly 2nd round rookie. Kobe "Black Mamba" Bryant makes 25 million dollars (even Tom Hanks doesn't make that). And these are the laborers, not the owners.

NBA: Get over yourself. Players, take less guaranteed money. Owners, don't shaft the players on profits. Now sign on the dotted line. There. Rant over. Now does anyone have any suggestions for great books? The trade/free agent rumors are scant these days.